I would like to tell you how God pulled me out of the hole I had dug myself into. I had never had a good relationship with my dad, we just didn't get along no matter what. At one point in my life everything seemed to keep piling up; my grandma was slowly dying of cancer, my relationship with my dad had gotten worse, I was sick of constantly getting picked on in school, and I had no relationship with God; I just wanted it all to be over. I started to fall into depression. I couldn't take it anymore. I started cutting myself and I thought about killing myself. Luckily I never got the strength to follow through. Eventually I was able to get help and I was able to stop cutting.
That anger never left me though; I was angry at what I had done. About a year later I had heard a voice in my head saying, "You deformed the body I gave you," as you can probably imagine, that made me feel awful!
This past week I was on LEAD, which is an amazing retreat at Franciscan University of Steubenville. On Tuesday night we were talking about past hurts, we were given a piece of paper and I started making my list. As I was kneeling, I put my hands in front of me and close my eyes and Jesus is there! I could feel my hands closing around His hands. He was there with me! In that moment I realized He had always been with me! He holds my hand everywhere I go;it's like the footprints prayer, He's been carrying me my whole life. I just never realized it! After that I was able to offer up my hurts and give God my life.
Ever since that night I have been on the road to healing. It wasn't easy to let go of something that has been hurting me for so long, but I know God is helping me through it. God pulled me out of everything that was weighing my down, I know He can do it for you too! Trust in God, great things will happen!
I made this blog to express my faith and love for God. You don't have to be Catholic to read it, I would be glad to answer any questions, all you have to do is ask. :) I love to show people how much God's love means to me and I want to be his disciple. I'm hoping that with this blog, I can touch even more lives. God Bless and Thank you for reading!
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Do You Ever Feel Useless?
Lately that has been nagging me. I know God has a plan for me, I just feel like I am useless. I want to make a difference, to share God's love, be like Jesus, but how do I do that? I'm only 15, how am I supposed to make a difference in someone's life? Am I on the right path?
Earlier this year I could really feel why God had put me where I was. At first I really questioned my decision to leave private school and go to public, I didn't know anyone and I went from having 50 kids in my grade to 700ish kids in my grade (that's a little nerve wrecking!) And I'm shy, I really had no clue why I chose public school.
Then it happened.
I was sitting in science class and the kid next to me started talking to me, he was one of the first people to really talk to me, one of my first new friends. He knew I was Catholic because of my bracelet and my dog-tag. About a week later, he asked me about my view on Satan. Obviously, being a Christian I dislike Satan. (Actually, At Baptism and Confirmation I took a vow that says that "I renounce Satan and all his nasty deeds...") I asked him why he was asking me such a strange question and he told me that he was thinking about becoming a satanist. I didn't even know that satanists were real until he said that. I literally didn't know what to say. I was shocked! How could anyone want to worship Satan? Why would anyone want to? It scared me that he would even consider something like that.
That night I went home and cried and prayed to God to help me think of something to do. How am I supposed to deal with something like that? How could I convince him that he was making a HUGE mistake?
A week later he told me that he had made up his mind and he was now satanist. It breaks my heart to think that he could actually do that. But that night, I had a dream, I don't remember the dream but that morning I decided that everyday I was going to tell him that Jesus Loves Him! To me, that was God telling me that I can do something, even if it takes years, he will one day realize that Jesus loves him and is willing to forgive him and bring him back. That helped me to grow stronger in professing my faith. Anyone who knows him, knows that I am christian and that I care about him. And that is my goal in life, to share God's love and be Jesus to others.
Earlier this year I could really feel why God had put me where I was. At first I really questioned my decision to leave private school and go to public, I didn't know anyone and I went from having 50 kids in my grade to 700ish kids in my grade (that's a little nerve wrecking!) And I'm shy, I really had no clue why I chose public school.
Then it happened.
I was sitting in science class and the kid next to me started talking to me, he was one of the first people to really talk to me, one of my first new friends. He knew I was Catholic because of my bracelet and my dog-tag. About a week later, he asked me about my view on Satan. Obviously, being a Christian I dislike Satan. (Actually, At Baptism and Confirmation I took a vow that says that "I renounce Satan and all his nasty deeds...") I asked him why he was asking me such a strange question and he told me that he was thinking about becoming a satanist. I didn't even know that satanists were real until he said that. I literally didn't know what to say. I was shocked! How could anyone want to worship Satan? Why would anyone want to? It scared me that he would even consider something like that.
That night I went home and cried and prayed to God to help me think of something to do. How am I supposed to deal with something like that? How could I convince him that he was making a HUGE mistake?
A week later he told me that he had made up his mind and he was now satanist. It breaks my heart to think that he could actually do that. But that night, I had a dream, I don't remember the dream but that morning I decided that everyday I was going to tell him that Jesus Loves Him! To me, that was God telling me that I can do something, even if it takes years, he will one day realize that Jesus loves him and is willing to forgive him and bring him back. That helped me to grow stronger in professing my faith. Anyone who knows him, knows that I am christian and that I care about him. And that is my goal in life, to share God's love and be Jesus to others.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Made in God's Image :D
You know what, I may not be the prettiest girl, or the tallest, or have the next new thing, but you know what, that is not what God made us for. We were made for so much more! God made each and every one of us in His image. (Genesis 1:27, Genesis 9:6, 2 Corinthians 4:4) So why is it that our society thinks that you have to have outer beauty to do anything? The sad thing is I know people who think that "ugly" people can't do anything--yet this person is the least coordinated person I've ever met. Why do looks make a difference in what you can or cannot do? Why should there be a line between "pretty" and "ugly"?
"There is not, never has been, and never will be a single person for whom Christ did not suffer."
We are all His children, why then is there separation? What is the difference? Jesus died for you, for me, and everyone on this earth. God puts people in our lives for a reason, but if you treat that person horrible, you may never find out why God put them there. He gives us blessings in everything. The girl you see walking down the hallway may be the one to change your life forever. Or maybe that guy you bumped into in the store needed your help. Or a kid in school that doesn't have many friends and needs someone like you to talk to.
You never know what God has in store for you. Always remember to keep an open mind and be ready for anything He throws at you. I wasn't ready when he threw a whole bundle of things at me and luckily God had put people in my life to help me through it. :)
"The true friend is the one who’s coming in the door while everyone else is going out. Friends are the ones who love you when you’re hard to love, stand by you when it’s not the popular thing to do and are there for you when you need it, even if it means they don’t get anything back."
No matter what, Jesus will always be there for you. He will always be standing there with open arms. He will never leave you!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Abortion: The American Holocaust
So many people don't realize how big of a deal Abortion is. It bothers me. A while ago I watched the "180" Movie. This is a 30 minute documentary comparing the Jewish Holocaust to the "American Holocaust." This is a very shocking and emotional thing to watch. The Holocaust of the Jews was horrible. Genocide is a disturbing subject. We talked about it in history class this year and it is awful.
I don't see how people could just murder hundreds of innocent people! And that is exactly what abortion is. What if your mom had been pro-choice? What if she decided she didn't want a baby? You wouldn't be here.
The Fifth Commandment Says: Thou Shall Not Kill!
"God-given human life is God's own property: it is sacred from the first moment of it's existance and not under the control of any human being. 'before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you' (Jer. 1:5)" (YOUCAT 383 [CCC 2270-2274, 2322])
A really sad story about abortion from baby's point of view....
Baby’s Abortion Story
MONTH ONE
Mommy, I’m only 8 inches long but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it, I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.
MONTH TWO
Mommy, today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me, you could definitely tell that I’m a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home, though. It's so nice and warm in here.
MONTH THREE
you know what mommy, I'm a girl!!! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too, and I cry with you even though you can’t hear me.
MONTH FOUR
Mommy, my hair is starting to grow. It's very short and fine, but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my toes and fingers, and stretch my arms and legs. I'm becoming quite good at it too.
MONTH FIVE
you went to the doctor today mommy. He lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion?
MONTH SIX
I can hear that doctor again. I don’t like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy, what is it? It burns!! Please make him stop! I can’t get away from it! Mommy!!! Help me! No.....
MONTH SEVEN
Mommy, I'm okay. I'm in Jesus' arms. He is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn’t you want me mommy?
Every abortion is just one more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never run. One more voice that will never speak.
Baby’s Abortion Story
MONTH ONE
Mommy, I’m only 8 inches long but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it, I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.
MONTH TWO
Mommy, today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me, you could definitely tell that I’m a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home, though. It's so nice and warm in here.
MONTH THREE
you know what mommy, I'm a girl!!! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too, and I cry with you even though you can’t hear me.
MONTH FOUR
Mommy, my hair is starting to grow. It's very short and fine, but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my toes and fingers, and stretch my arms and legs. I'm becoming quite good at it too.
MONTH FIVE
you went to the doctor today mommy. He lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion?
MONTH SIX
I can hear that doctor again. I don’t like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy, what is it? It burns!! Please make him stop! I can’t get away from it! Mommy!!! Help me! No.....
MONTH SEVEN
Mommy, I'm okay. I'm in Jesus' arms. He is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn’t you want me mommy?
Every abortion is just one more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never run. One more voice that will never speak.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
I Want to Live Like That!
"Was I love?
When no one else would show up.
Was I Jesus to the least of those?
Was my worship more than just a song?"
When no one else would show up.
Was I Jesus to the least of those?
Was my worship more than just a song?"
This speaks to me because "I want to live like that!" I want to be Jesus with skin on. When I walk down the street I want people to see me and say, "Wow, She has Jesus in her heart," or, "I saw Jesus shine through her." I want people to know me as a child of God. I don't want to be just another person in this life. I want to make a difference.
"People pass,
And even if they don't know my name,
Is there evidence that I've been changed?
When they see me, do they see You?"
And even if they don't know my name,
Is there evidence that I've been changed?
When they see me, do they see You?"
Prayer is a special time for me because it is when I fell God's presence the most. Listening to Christian Music is a special type of prayer for me and I hear this song on the radio, so that is a blessing. :)
The main problem I have is school. I got to a public school, which makes it a little more difficult, but, there are some people that no matter what you say they come up with something to tear you down.
"I want to show the world the love You gave for me
I'm longing for the world to know the glory of the King"
I'm longing for the world to know the glory of the King"
When people tell you that God's not real, that Jesus didn't really die for you, that the Bible is just stories that someone came up with; tell them that you know that Jesus loves you, and he loves them to.
There is a kid in one of my classes that I tell him everyday that Jesus loves him. He hates it (especially because he's santanist) but, it's true. Jesus loves him, even if he's crazy. And the more I tell him, the less come backs he thinks of. He has stopped denying me. He just accepts the fact that I truely believe it. :)
So If someone tells you that miracles aren't real, just simple say "Jesus Loves you!" And walk away. :)
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